That’d be me…after an extraordinarily long hiatus.
That’d be me…after an extraordinarily long hiatus.
I feel like I’ve been missing for years.
Twenty-three now, still obsessing over my fandoms, creating things again, don’t think my photoshop has ever been so busy.
This might signal a return to Tumblr. Miss you guys.
TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO EHLERS-DANLOS SYNDROME SUFFERER HAS GONE BEFORE!
Hello everyone! My name is Ellena Smith and I am taking part in the L.S.A - the Lynx Space Academy Competition. I can’t even begin to explain how happy being chosen to go into Space would make me; for as long as I can…
In one week (7 days) I lost my grandad, got sacked, and got dumped. Worst run up to Christmas I’ve had in an awfully long time. On the upside, Christmas day with my parents was wonderful and we all spent some time with my sister on the Sunday night, too.
Meet my 450 million years old Cephalopod Nautiloid fossil, on a silver snake chain. Back in the day, this little creature would’ve eaten Trilobytes for breakfast. Wonderful eh? I’m in love with a fossil, baby.
If you are overweight, swap unhealthy foods for healthy foods, retrain your tastebuds to appreciate sweet fruits and vegetables as opposed to craving cakes and processed sweets. If you are overweight, exercise and reduce your calorie intake to 1500 per day. If you are overweight, swim if you can’t do any high-impact sports or exercise classes. If you are overweight, stop bullying yourself, set yourself a long term 12 month weightloss goal and don’t weigh yourself every day, or even every other day - weigh yourself every two weeks, and even if you’ve only lost 1lb, it’s 1lb closer to your 12 month target.
I am sick to death of hearing about this thighs apart bullshit that is sweeping tumblr like a virus. It is not healthy to idolise an unrealistic body image that for some people will just never work. If you have narrow hips and muscular legs, your thighs ARE going to touch. I am 5’10, 11st and I have horse-ridden from the age of 4, my thighs don’t always touch but sometimes they do, and you know what, I really couldn’t care less - my legs are long and lean in general and I have well-developed thighs, calves and glutes. At my heaviest, this time last year, I weighed 12st 4lbs, and I decided that due to my joint problems (I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome type III) that I would lose a stone in a healthy fashion, and you know what, I have! I didn’t bully myself if I didn’t lose weight one month, I didn’t harass myself or make myself feel guilty over wanting a treat or a snack or something yummy. Instead I regulated my meals, stopped binging (for the most part, I still enjoy a chocolate binge every now and again, but if I eat a lot of chocolate one day then I won’t eat it for the next 5-7 days and I’ll be extra good with my portions and meals) and generally treated myself like a human being.
My meal plan is as follows:
2tbsp mixed fruit granola with 2tbsp flavoured yoghurt and 1 cup of tea with a sweetener.
Ham & cheese salad sandwich and a fruit juice, which lasts me for the rest of the afternoon. If I am hungry at around 3pm then I will have a mars bar and another cup of tea.
A small to medium sized portion of anything that I want, with a calorie count of between 400 to 500 calories, 1 cup of tea.
Throughout the day I drink a lot of water, AND I MEAN A LOT, as cold as I can handle it, especially when I feel peckish or hungry as the water fills you up. If you do this, as well as exercising more, you WILL lose weight, because think about it - granola fires your body up and keeps it full until around 12pm/1pm, and then your ham & cheese salad sandwich (or soup if you’d prefer, but try to have some kind of bulking agent with it to keep you fuller for longer, so if you don’t want to eat bread then it might be worth investing in some ryvita crispbreads which are roughly 40 calories per slice and are also a good source of fibre).
I also take multivitamins, cod liver oil etc.
Also, stop looking at pictures of super skinny models. It will not help you.
Instead, look at pictures of sexy as hell curvy women like Christina Hendricks. Nomnomnom.
I don’t know why I am so surprised
It’s been a few hours, you’ve just been hanging there. You’ve been quiet, too quiet. Usually there’s music playing, or your foot steps could be heard. But today, you’re quiet. Your little sister, who doesn’t normally come to greet you because you lock yourself away, decides to see what you’re doing. She assumes you’re taking a nap, or doing some homework quietly. She runs up the stairs, eager to see, but she comes to an immediate halt. You’re not doing your homework, nor taking a nap. Your music isn’t playing and you aren’t walking around. You’re hanging there, completely still, now just like her. At this moment, her whole world shatters. Everything she has ever known, looked up to, loved, is hanging there by a thread. At this moment, her life has been changed forever. At this moment, she wishes she was hanging with you.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.” No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.” No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.” They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare so no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
If you are thinking of taking your life, call:
I am sat here, in floods of tears, because this is right. I can’t honestly remember a time when I have felt closer to ending ‘it’ - everything, but thinking about the pain I would put my parents through, after reading this, has helped me to put things in perspective. I’m going to the doctors today, at 2pm, to talk to a professional about the way I’m feeling. I am going to fix myself. I just need a little help. I will not be another suicide statistic. I am going to survive this.
I think about suicide so often that I cannot promise to never commit it. Can I bring him into that? Can I left myself fall in love, broken as I am?
OH GOD MORAY YES.
OH MY GOD ALL THE FEELS.